Sunday, October 01, 2006

October 1, 2006

I feel like I should take advantage of this moment, when I'm not completely spent, to write something on here.

I love my work, I hate my work. It really depends on the day.

I miss my family, no matter what the day.

I wonder what life will be like after this; if I'll be able to sit at a desk, do paperwork, punch in at eight and out at five; leave everything in the office at the end of the day, go home and watch the simpsons, eat dinner, go to bed... I can't even imagine it now.

What did I do in Austin with all that extra time? I can't believe I ever felt busy in my life before now. I only now realize how much you can do in a day, how little sleep you actually need to survive, how productive your body -your mind- can be, how much work there is to do in the world.

Everything I write here is the same thing, written in a different way. I live, eat, breathe, sleep this work and this city. It is all I have time to think about, it is all I do. This is my life. Is that healthy? I don't know.

I think it's good to spend yourself on other people, but at some point, you run out of whatever it is your giving. Run out of compassion, out of sympathy, out of strength, out of joy. You run out of the physical ability to keep going. I don't think I'm there yet... Maybe some days I'm close.

Present life plan: Work until I can't work any more, or until January... whichever comes first... and then try something "normal".


Anthony said...

One way I explained the work in NOLA to those back at home. "Work 'til you can't work no more, then keep working." Keep it up Ames, you're a shining example of what TRUE volunteerism is about.

When it's all said and done and you finally get to sit back and look at what you did. You're gonna be like "Daaamn, ain't nobody got nuttin' on 'dis!"

Or something along those lines...

Anonymous said...

Hey hon, I know what you mean. I used to work for a hospice company, and in training as grief counselor, one of the things they taught us most about was compassion fatigue. It may make you feel like shit (certainly did me), but there are times when you are just too worn out to care any more. That's the point, I've discovered, when you gotta take a break and then get back to what you were doing. Pardon a little new-age jargon, but sometimes you just need a little more "you time". Hope all is going well for you, gimme a shout anytime you need . . .