Thursday, January 27, 2005


When I get excited or nervous about something, I can't sleep. My mind just reels with possibilities or worries, and I can't slow it down enough to get any rest.

I haven't slept in three days.

Tuesday night, after an interview with a law office downtown that morning, and an awesome hope group that evening, I found myself leveling with God. Someone had prayed this verse from Isaiah for me: "they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength..."

Here is an exert from my journal that night:

The law office called this afternoon and asked me to come in for a
second interview tomorrow. I keep day-dreaming about getting this job,
getting accepted into Americorps, and getting to keep the cash I'd saved up
for a long job hunt in savings... i.e. -day dreaming about everything just
falling into place; but then I stop myself and think, 'no - don't get your
hopes up. Your life is never easy like that.'

...I wonder what that says about how I view God's provision for me.
I'm trying to embrace that verse that says: “Which of you, if his son asks
for bread, will give him a stone?"

... I want to stop exptecting a stone from Him. I feel wearied
from waiting on the Lord
.... Teach me to wait on the Lord with hope, not

with disappointment.

After that, I decided that if things weren't going to work out, it wasn't going to be because I didn't ask. I just flat out asked Him, that if it were within His will - could He please help me get this job, get into Americorps, and keep some of my savings. This is so strange - I almost never pray like that -- Normally, I would just pray for God to make my heart strong enough to handle whatever happens, or give me more patience.

If you know God, you know how this story ends:

Basically, the next morning, I was offered a job that 150 people applied for; got a letter in the mail from Americorps welcoming me to the program (despite blowing my phone interview), and will start work soon enough so that I won't even have touched my savings yet. Even more awesome, my new boss hired me knowing that I was planning on leaving town in nine months or so; and Americorps placed me in South Carolina - which, of all the campuses they have, is the one closest to my sister and her children.

The best part of all of this though, is just feeling heard by God - and feeling the reality of these verses in my life:

“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"


Anonymous said...

God is awesome! And you are awesome, my sister. Love you more. :-)

amy said...

thanks, lara! -- ames

Anonymous said...

God is awesome. Seems like He's been busy recently.

- Matt

Anonymous said...

Hey Amy, this is Heather (your roomie from the summer, otherwise known as crystal's little sis). I am so happy for you. I know the struggle you have had with finding a job that you actually want to be at. This just means that you will need to come over more before you leave. It has been awhile since we played scrabble.