Monday, January 03, 2005

2005 - The Year I Will Finally Get it All Together and Become Exactly Who I'm Supposed to Be

At least, that's what I secretly tell myself every New Year.

I try to make myself okay with the process of sanctification. I try to own the fact that I will spend my whole life trying to be something, and will never quite take ahold of it. That my life is a process I will never complete. That, in this life, I will never "arrive".

I think I spent all of 2004, spinning my wheels, waiting for something. Waiting to magically become the kind of person I dream of being; waiting for some cosmic, neon sign pointing to my future, my Destiny, my unique and awesome purpose.

This is it, Amy. This is your life. "All you have is today," my dad would say.

"I find today mundane," I think to myself. "I want purpose."

What if living here, today -where I have put you now is your purpose? says the still, quiet voice.

The truth is exposed. It's not purpose -- "I want to be important."

"Bow down, wicked pride!" says the kingdom me to the fallen me.

God, help me live for your purpose; whether that's in a third world country, thrown to an awesome ministry, martyred on the frontlines, or working mundane jobs planting seeds I will never see. Let me serve my purpose in your big plan, and let go of my self-serving agendas. Amen.

1 comment:

shaun said...

wow. that's convicting.