There are so many good blogging options this morning I don't know what to write. There's a church exhortation burning a hole in my heart, but I don't feel like I can do it justice before I get all of the less important stuff out of my system.
I think I have this problem alot: being stretched out over alot of random things, and not getting to do well what I really want to be doing. There's too much breadth in my life to go deep... How do I make this make sense...
An example! A year ago, I read the first chapter of Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship, and it spoke directly to the angst in my heart. Bonhoeffer put into words a tense, concerned place that had been pulling at me for years. This book (Jesus via book), I think could dramatically empower my convictions and change how I live, and yet - I still haven't read more than the first chapter.
Competing with my desire to read it, is this annoying habit I have of starting new books before I finish the current ones. I always find myself in the middle of five to seven books, and a forceful, determined effort withstanding, rarely finish any of them. Presently, I'm hoping to finish the following: The Cost of Discipleship, The Search for Significance, The Father Heart of God, The Dream Giver, and re-reads of Mere Christianity and 1984. That doesn't include the books I've started and given up on alltogether this semester.
I think I do this with ministry as well. I tend to try and do too many different things, and end up doing none of them excellently.
Even online! At one point, I had three weblogs, and none of them were ever upkept, because they were always competing with one another.
I don't want to keep trading depth for breadth. If I keep spreading myself thin, I'll never find purpose or embrace excellence. All of this somehow ties into my fears of commiting to things I'm sure, but ironically, I don't feel like thinking about that in depth, because I'm thinking about a zillion other things today.
Ok. Father, help me be reasonable and not afraid to let some things go to free myself up for the right things. Amen.
Friday, November 19, 2004
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