Friday, November 19, 2004

Breadth vs. Depth

There are so many good blogging options this morning I don't know what to write. There's a church exhortation burning a hole in my heart, but I don't feel like I can do it justice before I get all of the less important stuff out of my system.

I think I have this problem alot: being stretched out over alot of random things, and not getting to do well what I really want to be doing. There's too much breadth in my life to go deep... How do I make this make sense...

An example! A year ago, I read the first chapter of Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship, and it spoke directly to the angst in my heart. Bonhoeffer put into words a tense, concerned place that had been pulling at me for years. This book (Jesus via book), I think could dramatically empower my convictions and change how I live, and yet - I still haven't read more than the first chapter.

Competing with my desire to read it, is this annoying habit I have of starting new books before I finish the current ones. I always find myself in the middle of five to seven books, and a forceful, determined effort withstanding, rarely finish any of them. Presently, I'm hoping to finish the following: The Cost of Discipleship, The Search for Significance, The Father Heart of God, The Dream Giver, and re-reads of Mere Christianity and 1984. That doesn't include the books I've started and given up on alltogether this semester.

I think I do this with ministry as well. I tend to try and do too many different things, and end up doing none of them excellently.

Even online! At one point, I had three weblogs, and none of them were ever upkept, because they were always competing with one another.

I don't want to keep trading depth for breadth. If I keep spreading myself thin, I'll never find purpose or embrace excellence. All of this somehow ties into my fears of commiting to things I'm sure, but ironically, I don't feel like thinking about that in depth, because I'm thinking about a zillion other things today.

Ok. Father, help me be reasonable and not afraid to let some things go to free myself up for the right things. Amen.

No comments: